Unexpected Turn

So for the last 7 years I have been living my life as the perfect Christian with some "flesh" moments. LOL! Actually I have been suppressing myself into a box of rules and living quite miserably. Well 2012 has arrived and I tried to start it the way that I always do and that is to make another vow of perfection unto the Lord. Now because He is so amazing He allowed my life to fall apart in January, then I tried to put it back together with Lent and it fell apart again! I have been calling myself having faith in the Lord and trusting Him for somethings that I should've been making sound decisions on and no matter how hard I prayed this situation has NOT changed. My life fell apart in the right way it fell apart in a way that I would look and rediscover ME. If that isn't a beautiful surprise well then I don't know what is. This year I have discovered that I am a beautiful woman and I should embrace it rather than run from it (now I am still working on it so bear with me) I have also discovered that I don't owe anyone anything what people expect from me really doesn't matter and when you are not doing what everyone else is doing you will find yourself alone for a season why those who came to drain disappear but as you discover yourself and stand for yourself those who truly love you will appear (So far I am not flocked with new friends but I am grateful for the ones I do have :) Also I Tabetha must march to the beat of my own drum like I did so well as a child and it frustrated everyone but my goodness the brilliance that came forth from my resistance won me awards and always had people watching me for the next best thing and might I also say I was able to speak and so much more eloquently and I swear that I lead more people to Christ when I was a child then I have in the last few years. YOU CAN NOT LIVE INSIDE OF A BOX. There is a person that was meant to live here on earth, we were not born to die or live like we are apart of a perfect little cult. (I had to say it like this because some people act like they are in a cult and like there way is the only right way and if you disagree you should be burned at the stake) YUCK! That is definitely anti-love! We were all created with unique gifting, and we all were blessed to live here on earth and earth is not hell and everything outside the doors of the church is not evil. I said all this to say do not change yourself, let Him mold you into what you were meant to be. Don't get married without knowing that God has ordained your marriage, don't stop dressing cute, don't stop listening to your favorite music until your know that you know that you know that it is time. God will really let you know and NO ONE needs to tell you what God wants you to know He is your Father and He will tell you Himself. I have regret because I spent too much time looking for direction from imperfect people whose heart was corrupted through life's experiences who were bitter perfectionists who didn't know how to love because they were hurt so much and I made decisions that I thought were right based on their guidance and today all of those things are being undone. I am grateful but I would've saved myself a trip around the mountain (20 times!) Okay? So let Him lead you, our Daddy is so gentle, so sweet and His timing is perfect. Wait on Him He genuinely loves you and wants the best for you. Never move unless He says move and that goes for doing what others want you to do, not a clause for you to stick with something that is destroying you. Use your brain you are smart and you are more likely to be right or deal with your own wrong decision far more efficiently, more gracefully and faster than someone elses ill direction because you are supposed to make mistakes and learn from them. Don't get stuck wondering if you should or should not make a move because someone told you what your own Father would've said to you Himself(if He wanted to) if you waited. All people who proclaim themselves to be a prophet are not prophets. You have the spirit of God in you who could better speak into you then Him? The people on the outside should only be confirming what God has already spoken to you. You should know that they are right because the words were already in your heart.